Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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