Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
