Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
