Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
