If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
