We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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