i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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