He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
