I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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