my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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