You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
