I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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