It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
