I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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