she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
