She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
