no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
