don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
