I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
