Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
