i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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