I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
