it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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