there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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