youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
