so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this will be a night to untag.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
