Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
