Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
