i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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