Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were trust falling into bushes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
