Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
