I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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