He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
