We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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