I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
