Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
