he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
