just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
