ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need water and some morals
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
