How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
