Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
