the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
