Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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