Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
