my phone needs a breathalizer
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
