I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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