Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
