I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
