he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
