today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
