in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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